Suzanne Finnamore

«Irrationally, I think, Will You Marry Me? Four words. I Want a Divorce. Four words. I would like time to count the letters as well, but there is not time.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«He announces that lately he keeps losing things. "Like your wife and child," I want to say, but don´t. At fourty, I´ve learned not to say everything clever, not to score every point.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Soon he was online every night until one or two a.m. Often he would wake up at three of four a.m. and go back online. He would shut down the computer screen when I walked in. In the past, he used to take the laptop to bed with him and we would both be on our laptops, hips touching. He stopped doing that, slipping off to his office instead and closing the door even when A was asleep. He started closing doors behind him. I was steeped in denial, but my body knew.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I love you as the mother of my child": the kiss of death.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«There is that, and there is also the Irreconcilable Differences line. It seems so catchall, so vague. You could say that about anyone, any man and woman at all. Jesus and Mary Magdalene: "Irreconcilable Differences." JFK and Jackie, anyone at all. It´s built into the man-woman thing. What kind of paltry reason is that? "Insanity" is another box to be checked on the divorce petition, the only alternative to "Irreconcilable Differences." I would like to check it.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«How could you do that to me?" I repeat. I don´t have to itemize. He knows what I speak of.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«It´s like watching someone do a triple backflip dismount and land on two feet, solid, arms splayed in the air. I know I could never do it, don´t even know where I would begin to learn, but some people are built for it. He was handcrafted to leave, had practiced on other women since adolescence. I was one of an unnumbered series.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I remember one desolate Sunday night, wondering: Is this how I´m going to spend the rest of my life? Marrid to someone who is perpetually distracted and somewhat wistful, as though a marvelous party is going on in the next room, which but for me he could be attending?»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Naturally, I do blame Françoise. I blame her for having N in the first place. She was young, she was beautiful, she was married to a doctor, and she was intelligent. She could have abstained from producing her first son. It was wrong on a variety of levels.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Flannel shirts should be outlawed for ex husbands; I realize this now. Flannel shirts are to women what crotchless panties are to men.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«He left a bit too easily and with obvious relief. His feet were swift and sure on the muddy path.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I was steeped in denial, but my body knew.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I played possum. I did this, as the possum does, out of fear.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«They feel life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever decide to have my soul surgically removed.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«So many events and moments that seemed insignificant add up. I remember how for the last Valentine´s Day, N gave flowers but no card. In restaurants, he looked off into the middle distance while my hand would creep across the table to hold his. He would always let go first. I realize I can´t remember his last spontaneous gesture of affection.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«The abandonment came, and now this shabby bacchanal.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I saw my reflection in their eyes, but not the men themselves, not clearly. This preserved the idea that all intelligent and even vaguely attractive men were essentially good. Delusion detest focus and romance provides the veil.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«My mother is a firm believer in the long pause, useful in interrogations, proclamations of truth, and the occasional cutting dead of someone without their knowing it.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I´ve blown it, the whole grisly charade.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I sensed he may have occasionally strayed in some of his past relationships. It was something I felt but ignored, a rent in the fabric of an otherwise splendid garment I thought I could mend. I thought I could live with it—I thought, yes and I admit it, that I would be different. That at the very least, middle age and children would slow him down; however, they seemed to accelerate his pace.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I´m just not sending out the right vibe lately. Perhaps the fact that I wear stained sweatpants and free T-shirts is holding me back. I just can´t seem to get back into the intelligent-slut-for-hire outfits that lure men; even shoes with laces evade me. Plus my hair is Fran Lebowitz-esque. I think my eyes are getting closer together. I don´t know.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I travel back in time, falling back into what I know for certain, the historical data I cling to in order to not go mad, not assume I made a suicidal and well-informed error in marrying this man.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«The whole world seems tilted, my inner ear displaced by a hole where my spouse used to be.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I think: I would like to take N back to a story right now, like a rake.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«I know one thing about men," Bunny says with finality, leaving the room to check on A. "They never die when you want them to.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Conversely, I though humiliation would be everything, but it´s such a nothing.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«Any way I slice reality it comes out poorly, and I feel an urge to not exist, something I have never felt before; and now here it comes with conviction, almost panic. I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.»

Suzanne Finnamore


«The real genesis is forbidden to me, vis-à-vis N´s inability to confess even the mildest transgressions.»

Suzanne Finnamore