Funny

«Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it.»

Whipplesnaith


«The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.»

David Sedaris


«I'm leaving the door partly open," he says as he follows Tegan. "You scream if you need me."»

J.A. London


«A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
»

Jarod Kintz


«Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.»

Thomas Bernhard


«I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they'd like me quickly and wouldn't try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as wisecracking Cameron, the orphan. Maybe it was a little like flirting, but also a kind of protection: Don't get too close; I'm just jokes with substance.»

Emily M. Danforth


«I often confuse fog and mist. But one is not the other any more than either are either. Let this be a lesson in love.»

Jarod Kintz


«Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind wind farm of some kind. Hopefully I could provide enough power for all the lonely people in my bathtub to stay warm.»

Jarod Kintz


«Coordinating the retreat was important too, so important that Jiaan had assigned Aram as Fasal's assistant, to be sure he didn't overlook anything important. Like the fact that they were supposed to retreat.»

Hilari Bell


«Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator.»

Jarod Kintz


«Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic?»

Cassandra Clare


«If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick?" -April»

Bree Despain


«The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.»

David Sedaris


«If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd have finally have met a man with whom I could hold a conversation consisting entirely of the repetitive response, "Yes, I agree!»

Jarod Kintz


«Don't get me wrong. Sacramento is a lovely place, particularly for those with a fondness for methamphetamines. For the meth-addled, Sacramento had conveniently placed a Greyhound bus station just yards from the statehouse where Austria's finest was sworn in as governor of the great state of California.»

J. Maarten Troost


«I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.»

Richelle Mead


«The road to hell isn't paved with gold, it's paved with faith. Faith in a dollar that's backed by a belief that people have faith in other people's belief in it.»

Jarod Kintz


«Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'.»

E.A. Bucchianeri


«I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.»

Gary Larson


«My life is a code within a code, and I’ll crack both like two eggs and eat my existence like an omelet.»

Jarod Kintz


«I'd never been a good damsel in distress. I was a "hands-on" damsel.»

Jenny Trout


«Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.»

Diane Arbus


«La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la!»

Simone Elkeles


«Sane is boring.»

R.A. Salvatore


«Sorry for your loss' Gordan said.His extended hand was immediately rejected with an if-looks-could-kill stare from Shelly's father, who was, as of yet, oblivious to the fact that we had stolen the last of his daughter.»

Ty Roth


«The Eiffel Tower doesn’t look like a penis. My penis looks like the Eiffel Tower. What’s not to love about a Love Stick shaped like the symbol of the City of Love?»

Jarod Kintz


«Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness.»

Julie Kagawa


«Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.»

Bauvard


«I glared at him. “You didn't leave me alone for five minutes, you left me alone for a week. I could have hacked myself to pieces if there's been more than one mango in the house. You could have come home to a very gory scene. The press would have had a field day ... Gay Houseboy In Mango Tragedy. Bears arrested for leaving cub unattended for seven, almost eight whole days with an armed and dangerous killer mango roaming loose about the house.”»

Gillibran Brown


«I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop.»

Jarod Kintz