Funny

«Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.»

Jarod Kintz


«I left my phone number on a napkin, along with trace amounts of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread grease, hoping she’d call me. And when she didn’t, I panicked and filed a missing person’s report with the police.»

Jarod Kintz


«You know how I think they choose people for Gryffindor team?" said Malfoy loudly a few minutes later, as Snape awarded Hufflepuff another penalty for now reason at all. "It's people they feel sorry for. See, there's Potter, who's got no parents, then there's the Weasleys, who've got no money - you should be on the team, Longbottom, you've got no brains.»

J.K. Rowling


«The Lord turned water into wine. All I'm suggesting is a trip to the grocery store.»

Jodi Picoult


«The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law.»

Jarod Kintz


«There was a small wooden gazebo built out over the water; Isabelle was sitting in it, staring out across the lake. She looked like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting at the top of her tower for someone to ride up and rescue her.»

Cassandra Clare


«If we spoke with our ears, and listened through our mouth, then a kiss might be the most romantic sound in the world.»

Jarod Kintz


«I won’t marry you,” she repeated.»

Elizabeth Hoyt


«Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?»

Janet Evanovich


«It was all fine until the girls started drinking. (Everything is always fine up until that point.)»

David Jascha


«You said you'd give me half an hour!'»

Kresley Cole


«I know how to tell a woman I love her in seventeen syllables or less. I’m not talking about a haiku, I’m talking about grunts from an orgasm.»

Jarod Kintz


«I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.»

Franklin D. Roosevelt


«Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?"»

Jennifer L. Armentrout


«May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.»

Roman Payne


«How do you know?”»

Robyn Carr


«My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time.»

Jarod Kintz


«I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.»

Lauren Myracle


«Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work.»

Jarod Kintz


«What is it, you ask?" Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. "I haven't thought of a name yet. Got any ideas?"»

Lindsay Buroker


«I love fortune readings! because when I get in troubles, if the reading says that I am in a lucky day, I can think my troubles are just some kind of mistakes, and if the reading says that I am in the unlucky day, I can think that my troubles are just because of my bad luck. Either ways, I can know the reason of my troubles.»

Hiroko Sakai


«A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.»

Bob Hope


«Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.»

Habeeb Akande


«Your leftover meatloaf makes me horny. Let us make love like the first squirt from a new bottle of ketchup.»

Jarod Kintz


«Christ, they’d be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he’d cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian.»

Kate Aaron


«Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.»

Bauvard


«I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.»

Jarod Kintz


«All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts.»

Anita Clenney


«Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.»

Rachel Vincent


«Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".»

Russell Beland