Funny

«I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.»

Steven Wright


«So hologram means--" I finally said.»

Rachel Hawkins


«Startled, she said, “Oh, I thought you were somebody else.” “No,” I said, “I’m not somebody else—but my clone is.»

Jarod Kintz


«If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months»

Josh Stern


«The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it.»

Jarod Kintz


«A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried everything I can think of to silence the noisy neighbor kids, from mousetraps on lollipop sticks, to superglue disguised as lip gloss—and yet the shrieking continues.
»

Jarod Kintz


«A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).
»

Jarod Kintz


«Remind me to show you the latest e-mail from Courtney," he said now, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk. "You won't believe how many different incorrect ways she spelled hors d'oeuvres within the span of a single paragraph.»

Aimee Agresti


«A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.
»

Jarod Kintz


«Ready?" Aeron called over.»

Dylan Perry


«Excuse me, your attention please.”»

Sarah Mayberry


«... an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, and we have been bored stiff long enough I think.»

E.A. Bucchianeri


«Karşınızdakine katlanabilmek için onunla ilgili bazı şeyleri görmezden gelerek yaşamaktan»

Mithat Terje


«Memories make you sentimental, experiences make you smart.»

Amit Kalantri


«Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it.»

Whipplesnaith


«The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.»

David Sedaris


«I'm leaving the door partly open," he says as he follows Tegan. "You scream if you need me."»

J.A. London


«A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
»

Jarod Kintz


«Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.»

Thomas Bernhard


«I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they'd like me quickly and wouldn't try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as wisecracking Cameron, the orphan. Maybe it was a little like flirting, but also a kind of protection: Don't get too close; I'm just jokes with substance.»

Emily M. Danforth


«I often confuse fog and mist. But one is not the other any more than either are either. Let this be a lesson in love.»

Jarod Kintz


«Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind wind farm of some kind. Hopefully I could provide enough power for all the lonely people in my bathtub to stay warm.»

Jarod Kintz


«Coordinating the retreat was important too, so important that Jiaan had assigned Aram as Fasal's assistant, to be sure he didn't overlook anything important. Like the fact that they were supposed to retreat.»

Hilari Bell


«Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator.»

Jarod Kintz


«Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic?»

Cassandra Clare


«If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick?" -April»

Bree Despain


«The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.»

David Sedaris


«If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd have finally have met a man with whom I could hold a conversation consisting entirely of the repetitive response, "Yes, I agree!»

Jarod Kintz


«Don't get me wrong. Sacramento is a lovely place, particularly for those with a fondness for methamphetamines. For the meth-addled, Sacramento had conveniently placed a Greyhound bus station just yards from the statehouse where Austria's finest was sworn in as governor of the great state of California.»

J. Maarten Troost


«I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.»

Richelle Mead