Humorous

«Bones didn’t share any of my qualms about suddenly holding an arm that wasn’t attached to a body anymore. He just grabbed the ghoul by his other arm and began thumping him over the head with the loose limb. I’d heard Bones threaten to beat someone with their own limb before, but I’d always assumed that was a figure of speech. Apparently not.»

Jeaniene Frost


«Dr. Loveless: Dang these pine needles. Why can't a forest be decently carpeted?»

Michael Garrison


«Any idea why there is a giant penis made out of snow in our front yard?"»

K.C. Beaumont


«It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.»

Jill Shalvis


«The streak of bleach in my hair is as obvious as ever. Am I really going out in public like this? I push my hair backward and forward a few times - but I can't hide it. Maybe I could walk along with my hand carelessly positioned at my head, as if I'm thinking hard. I attempt a few casual, pensive poses in the mirror.»

Sophie Kinsella


«Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.»

Eoin Colfer


«How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake?»

Sara Gruen


«(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?»

Victor Borge


«If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath!»

Stanley Victor Paskavich


«Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.»

Derek Landy


«Wait. Are you about to do something really stupid? -GUARD»

Pittacus Lore


«To-morrow I will begin," thought Katy, as she dropped asleep that night. How often we all do so! And what a pity it is that when morning comes and to-morrow is to-day, we so frequently wake up feeling quite differently; careless or impatient, and not a bit inclined to do the fine things we planned overnight.»

Susan Coolidge


«Like every other good thing in this»

Aldous Huxley


«Its decision to suck up an extra helping of toddler soup would cost it dearly.»

Allen Dusk


«Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'.»

E.A. Bucchianeri


«Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder--which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.»

Terry Pratchett


«Kiss my ass Rath Roiben Rye»

Holly Black


«So. Monday. We meet again.»

Julio Alexi Genao


«The difference between Strauss and Ranieri?” says one trader still at Salomon. “That’s easy. Strauss wouldn’t stoop to use the men’s room on the trading floor. He’d go upstairs. Lewie would piss on your desk.»

Michael Lewis


«wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.»

Julian Barnes


«Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly a nerd.»

Julia Kent


«If you are not dancing, your dead.»

Lisa Alpine


«Attacking a provincial lord in his manor house, surrounded by guards...Honestly, Kell, I'd nearly forgotten how foolhardy you can be.»

Brandon Sanderson


«I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction»

Carroll Bryant


«Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?»

Demetri Martin


«Scrawny little mundane bastard.»

Cassandra Clare


«He's dead?' Vera asked. 'He's dead? Johnny's dead?'»

Stephen King


«Renee: “The Greek government doesn’t know that I found anything that day in the temple. And they for sure wouldn’t want to know about the little mess I left behind.” She grimaced.»

John C. Stipa


«Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.»

Oliver Oliver Reed


«It’s all about “Priorities” There's No Such Thing as "Busy»

Abhishek Shukla