Humour

«She opened her mouth, clamped it shut again. This was new, this sudden favor shown Gloucester, had been brought back with him from Burgundy like some malevolent foreign pox.»

Sharon Kay Penman


«I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.»

H.G. Wells


«Snails mate faster than Farnsworths.”»

Tessa Dare


«Sure it is, Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then you are you sweating bullets?»

Stephenie Meyer


«A black-haired bitch with man’s hands, widow Liza Van der Bruggenziltch-Finch makes all the important decisions. She is a power-hungry dominatrix. Orwell is her slave. (No one ever sees him.)»

Carla H. Krueger


«It also makes my father right again. How will I ever soar with the eagles if I'm surrounded by turkeys?»

A.S. King


«I’m gross. Look at me – getting all sloppy in front of my mortal enemy. Unexecutable. Inexhaustible. Un…un…under the sea.»

Sara Wolf


«The Tausennigan Ob'enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears?"»

Howard Tayler


«This is just your penis having the feels for my vagina. Your penis is making prank calls! and every single time your penis makes a prank call, my vagina answers the phone. And then you hang up. Or your penis claims wrong number or misdial or no hablo Ingles. It's infuriating, and it's called genital call me maybe.»

Penny Reid


«I promise to pay you before you die - but you have to promise not to die.»

Jim Baen


«That Damon Matthews,” Linda spat. “You know, take one letter out of his name and it spells ‘ damn’ as in ‘damn, that kid’s a worthless sonovabitch’.»

Kristen Ashley


«Politicians like to panic. They need activity. It's their substitute for achievement.»

Sir Humphrey Appleby


«I'm pretty durable, but concrete and I have faced off before. While I didn't die, I wouldn't say I won, either.»

Eliza Crewe


«In a Pyongyang restaurant, don't ever ask for a doggie bag.»

Christopher Hitchens


«Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers.»

Kresley Cole


«If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.»

Rick Riordan


«The windchill factor above Camp IV could only be found on a chart for Mars.»

Kenneth Kamler


«You're kidding," Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?"»

Rachel Caine


«When People in sales are at work, they are at war.»

honeya


«Being a grown up was rubbish, Dave decided.»

Dave Turner


«Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.»

Jess C. Scott


«I was fired ignominiously from the Junior School Choir for being so off tune that the choir mistress declared she couldn't even bear to have me mime.»

Sara Sheridan


«I am an optimist and when I am too sure of something or someone, well, of course it turns out that I am wrong»

Sanhita Baruah


«The course of true love never die run smooth»

William Shakespeare


«The mice were furious."»

Douglas Adams


«They made for his noise far quicker than he had expected. They were frightfully angry. Quite apart from the stones no spider has ever like being called Attercop, and Tomnoddy of course, is insulting to anybody.»

J.R.R. Tolkien


«Laughing in the cultural industry is mockery of happiness.»

Theodor W. Adorno


«Aim towards enemy." - instructions on U.S. rocket launcher»

U.S. instruction manual


«Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!»

Neil Leckman


«I knew that I was talented. I was positive about that. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was talented at, but I was ambitious enough to wait it out and see what turned up.»

Sara Sheridan