Humour

«...And began typing.»

Brodi Ashton


«Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.»

Charles Bukowski


«Where death gives you a sense of humour, life gives you a sense of love.»

Athan Fletcher


«à¤¹à¤¿à¤‚दुस्तान में कभी कोई प्राइवेट इंजीन्यरिंग कॉलेज में पढ़ने के लिए कोचिंग नहीं करता।»

Divya Prakash Dubey


«I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they'd like me quickly and wouldn't try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as wisecracking Cameron, the orphan. Maybe it was a little like flirting, but also a kind of protection: Don't get too close; I'm just jokes with substance.»

Emily M. Danforth


«Just then Antonio, his two guards, his two Pit Bulls, Sebastian, and a strange, tall Keja bloke who had long white-grey hair and a matching long beard entered.»

Suzanne Wrightt


«..."I might be entertaining the idea of tamping down my nihilism. Just a bit. Not because life is not meaningless—I think that’s inarguable. It’s just that the constant awareness of its pointlessness is exhausting. I wouldn’t mind being oblivious again. I’d love to feel the wind in my face and think, just for minute, that I’m not going to crash into the rocks.”»

Daryl Gregory


«We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.»

Howard Tayler


«Humanity, let us say, is like people packed in an automobile which is traveling downhill without lights at terrific speed and driven by a four-year-old child. The signposts along the way are all marked 'Progress.»

Lord Dunsany


«You have savings?" she was astonished.»

Carmen Reid


«Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'.»

E.A. Bucchianeri


«Does bad luck come in 3's...or is it multiples of 3?»

Tara Ford


«Oh—and you need to work on making my opinion more important than Josh’s, too. I know it’s a stretch—he’s your most intimate relationship to date, but when you’re balls deep in my ass, I’d prefer you not be wondering if it counts as a workout.»

Amy Lane


«For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.»

Douglas Adams


«Not sweet like fruits, the heart of a maiden is a little sour.»

Bunjuro Nakayama


«Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music.»

Rick Riordan


«But the plans were on display…”»

Douglas Adams


«I glared at him. “You didn't leave me alone for five minutes, you left me alone for a week. I could have hacked myself to pieces if there's been more than one mango in the house. You could have come home to a very gory scene. The press would have had a field day ... Gay Houseboy In Mango Tragedy. Bears arrested for leaving cub unattended for seven, almost eight whole days with an armed and dangerous killer mango roaming loose about the house.”»

Gillibran Brown


«When you walk into a chocolate store, suddenly the most difficult decision you will ever have to make in your life, is which chocolates to pick! It is pure torture! Especially when you are in Belgium surrounded by Belgian chocolates!»

C. JoyBell C.


«But china is seldom thrown from a great height; it is one of the rarest of human actions. You have to find in conjunction a very high house, and a woman of such reckless impulse and passionate prejudice that she flings her jar or pot straight from the window without thought of who is below.»

Virginia Woolf


«Anyone who thinks money can't buy happiness has never owned a cat [or any pet].»

Arya Riverdale


«They are easy enough to recognize. They are the ones who say things like 'You love me, you just don't know it yet.»

Judy Balan


«Comedy is hard work. People expect you to be funny 24/7. So if you're not constantly cracking up your friends, it can hurt you professionally. They may not read your book or come to your show. 'She's a comedian? She's not that funny!' It's unfair 'cause when cardio surgeon friends say they cut chests open and hold hearts in their hands, everyone just takes their word for it.»

Judy Balan


«The grass on the other side of the hill may well be greener, but you should always check that there isn't something with teeth and claws crouching in it.»

Chris I. Naylor


«Just think, she said to herself. I could be living on the Right Bank. I could be married to a senior clerk at the Treasury. I could be sitting with my feet up, embroidering a linen handkerchief with a rambling-rose design. Instead I'm on the rue des Cordeliers in pursuit of a baguette, with a three-inch blade for comfort.»

Hilary Mantel


«Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.»

Oliver Oliver Reed


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«Men will always be boys.»

Lailah Gifty Akita


«When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top»

Benny Bellamacina


«I like bread, and I like butter - but I like bread with butter best.»

Sarah Weiner