Humour

«Miss Runcible wore trousers and Miles touched up his eye-lashes in the dining-room of the hotel where they stopped for luncheon. So they were asked to leave.»

Evelyn Waugh


«Y-naga: "That's the thing... It's like trying to find a guy who's a kid at heart but still a responsible adult, so he can be counted on when I find myself in a pinch, somebody who's a little wild at times but normally lets me have my way even when I'm being selfish and just says, "well, if you insist," a guy who's not too full of himself but understands what clothes suit his body type best..."»

Fumi Yoshinaga


«It's amazing the stupid things I say sometimes. I mean, you could start an entire branch of scientific research about the stuff I say that gets proved wrong while I'm still busy saying it.»

Tad Williams


«Naboo: "You've read all the books, but when it comes to the crunch, where are you?"»

Julian Barratt


«Space, as you can see, is a complete void, nothing but clear air, without solid objects or the illumination of light. On some of our photographs of space, however, studied close to, even without a magnifying glass or an enlargement lens, you will notice, in the remote background, stars, some solitary, others in shimmering clusters. And in the next set of photographs you will see the alien machine we encountered that sat stubbornly stationary in the way of our unselfgoverned path.»

Philip Dodd


«You think we 're both fifty shades of fucked up, don't you?"»

Laurelin Paige


«We live in different times. I would not have described London as a city of gun-toters but that was when Londoners still said sorry when you knock them over and called cappuccinos fluffy coffees & policemen, bobbies!»

Tyne O'Connell


«Mum just laughed gleefully at his mounting frustration, like the villainous matriarch in a Roald Dahl story. I suspect a TV guide would describe her idea of comedy as 'dark', or, at very best, 'alternative'.»

Matthew Crow


«I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.»

Dan Quayle


«-I love you, Lenny.»

Romain Gary


«Romance blossomed over a carrier bag full of mackerel. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would happen; there were no sunsets, or butterflies, or birdsong, just some smelly dead fish and a slimy carrier bag.»

Victoria Twead


«She can't hurt him, Izzy," (Alec)»

Cassandra Clare


«She investigated further: moving along with little kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until she came to the same location on his neck that on hers was currently a decorative black and blue color. She bit him. Hard. Alexia never did anything by halves.»

Gail Carriger


«Don't mind Russ," he says. "He's a good kid underneath all those holes, although it's a wonder he doesn't spring a leak when he drinks»

Sara Gruen


«All of it—for this. Leading us to a door we can't open, a password we don't have.»

Meagan Spooner


«May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.»

Roman Payne


«A politician is someone who promises a bridge even when there's no water»

Gregory David Roberts


«When I was your age, television was called books.»

William Goldman


«To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.»

Oscar Wilde


«It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.»

P.G. Wodehouse


«How do you know?”»

Robyn Carr


«You can challenge the society; But can't the time»

Harishankar Kaushik


«I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented.»

Edmund Gosse


«What is it, you ask?" Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. "I haven't thought of a name yet. Got any ideas?"»

Lindsay Buroker


«He was trying to talk to Cath about buffalo. As far as she could tell, Levi had a whole class that was just about buffalo. He seemed like he'd major in buffalo if that were an option. Maybe it was an option….»

Rainbow Rowell


«Doctor doctor, what do you say, lets put the id back in yid»

Philip Roth


«The Chancellor looked down at the paper in front of him. He cleared his throat. 'Re'lar Ambrose, are you a donkey?'»

Patrick Rothfuss


«Basically, dating is like climbing a volcano and you never know when it’s going to erupt, dumping molten lava and burning you»

Robin Bielman


«Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.»

Habeeb Akande


«I think this goat must have been fed on old boots,' Stubble complained as he chewed the last scraps of flesh from the bones littering his stew.»

Carl Sargent